it's sad when you realise that all you've been through with a person, good or bad, is equal to nothing. I think I see that clearly right now. it's all gone. all that period when all your friends are alone, honest, searching for the "love of their life", for something better in the future, for being heard even if you're the only one who's listening and nobody knows to do the same thing with you.
you'll be fine without them hearing your complaints, dreams and hopes, they say.
is it fair to let it pass by just like this, just a memory? but is it fair to think and rethink over the good times, to be blamed for being bad and envious, when you know that's only an excuse for them?
what I thought it was my best friend for the last 16 years is getting married today. I was supposed to be at her wedding, but time passed quickly and only words remained. today I'm no longer supposed to be there. she walked behind my back yesterday like I was a total stranger, like a sort of ghost. maybe I'll still be there tonight, to show her my wishes for the best, maybe I should buy a present (it's a strict rule to give something, otherwise you're lame and good for nothing!), maybe she will not want to hear my words, maybe... I should just move on.
who and from where you can tell what has to be done and what's right?
later: I decided to send her a gift wrapped with a paper message. whether she'll receive it or send it to trash... we'll see.