Sunday, May 29, 2011

so how do you keep from drowning in it?

sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. and when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. the world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. we can only lie to ourselves for so long. we are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. head on, guns blazing. de nile. it's not just a river in egypt, it's a freakin' ocean.

so how do you keep from drowning in it?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

life is something to do when you can't always go to sleep

the plan was to make it right. so where's all gone?

instead of being happy for another sunrise, each days seems like another hole carved into my chest. how far will you go, until there's nothing left there? hearing about the carved hole, a mighty rock also made a home out of your neck, reminding you she's live each time you cry. what are you building here?

you wish you could have 150e to just walk away for 96 hours, feeling like 667 km are just around the corner. garibaldi or oktogon is so close, that you can feel it into your lungs.

is anybody else building something?

Monday, May 23, 2011

cause now

now i have to reinvent myself.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

on sleepless roads the sleepless go

i still can't stop crying.

who's gonna come gently into my bed to fall asleep with me?
who's gonna scratch in middle of the night my door to tell me that she wants something yummy?
who's gonna be in one of these empty rooms to talk to when nobody's here?
who's gonna sit with me at my window at 6 am to hear the birdies singing and feel the fresh cold air?
who's gonna come to kiss my arm when i scream or cry?
who's gonna be at the door always waiting for me to come home?

look at her, how she sleeps. i just can't believe in an instance she... left. as i said in a previous post, i still don't understand while life's built in such way that persons in our life have to walk away. i hate the sentence "people come and go".

i'm going to miss you so much.

Friday, May 20, 2011

what makes you happy right now ?

now, it would be much more easier to start writing what makes me unhappy right now, but where's the charm after that, right?

the question popped-up this morning while thinking at what makes me happy right now, or sometimes when i just want to search places and spaces, faces and traces and many other inspiring things: pinterest. it seems much more lighter and "innocent" than wh. just my op.

these are my dearest pins.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


you should start building a life, a pretty one.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

self service

after another (again, again) white night, after giving bibi her favourite food, while making a slice of butterbread, i couldn't help thinking, since the last sad event, about changes in our life. and i'm scared to admit that sooner or later our most important things and people in our daily life will go away or take a break, in a way or another. i am the first to hate it, i am the first who would give anything to make it different. it's not the change that i'm afrade of, it's probably... the pain that will come after, it's about why does it have to change, if everything is going well the way it is, why does this rule exist?
probably i'm already sounding like talking stupid or corny stuff, no, i'm not the one being smart and hot and unable to touch and see and writing about it in a sparkling way, but why life slams you in front of situations in which you have to sort of erase the bad and start again "empty handed"in 3-4 days, almost like nothing ever happened? i know, you learn from experience, but does it always have to cost the things or people you love and your feelings?

really, life should come with an instructions manual.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


while others are soaking up the sun or being a star at Cannes, i was supposed to be one of them :) (the soaking sun, not the Cannes, of course) i was planning an escape at the seaside for the weekend, even if i had to spend 1 day only on the road, but hei, life gives you a beat on your shoulder when you least expect and you have to get down to scarsland. after a sad and hard to understand event, things aren't dreamy anymore. not even the weather is very helpful, but i do love more when outside my face isn't burning (do you know any remedy for that?), so that means below 25C, so right now it's half good half bad.

yesterday i went to an university conference held by a prof from Cardiff University concerning "Are We Really Lost for W[or(l)ds,]W[or(l)ds,]W[or(l)ds].(be.)com(ing)? The Credit(s) of Our Cultural Present." good point, right? right now i also saw that at the Planetarium we can take free courses of astronomy and observe different events, such as the almost perfect alignment of the Moon with Jupiter, Saturn, Mars and Mercury, that will be at the end of may. since i was little i was fascinated by the stars, the galaxy(ies), it seems like a beautiful mystery. i hope i'll have the chance to catch some close-up photographs, i know they would amazing, just by its nature.

when i came home from the conference, i went to one of the flowertinyhouses in the city and buyed a pretty tulipbouquet and watched the eurovision contest. i can't say i'm superhappy cause Azerbaijan won, but their song, among with Finland, Switzerland, Estonia, Germany and Italy were my fav. after that i couldn't sleep all night, because of a toothpain and hardly now i'm gonna eat my breakfast-lunch and have the yummy yummy yummy eclair dessert and check my feeds and probably watch the last episodes of antm, gg, vampire diaries, house, grey's anatomy, big bang theory and, the newcomer, mad love. it seems a pretty good show.

so, what's happening this weekend?
ps: did anybody find a real/good Midnight in Paris torrent? can't wait to see it ♥

Thursday, May 12, 2011

dreams, dreams

last night, while trying to scream in silence for mr. sleep, i checked my feed list and i ran into another post of my favourite girl in France, miss Penelope B. she always makes my miffed mug smile. this illustration also made me dream of a nice job that could allow me to go on delegations in different countries, meet people, see many other habits. lucky those who have it.
it's already 3:25, i'll get in the bed and hopefully with House's help i'll fall asleep.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

rain till the last heartbeat

these days have been all about clouds and rain. is it wierd or bad to want more rain? maybe not. it's been a while since in our tiny city a new place came up: a small gelateria, where you can find all types and colours of delicious icecream and all kind of combination. i always choose the mint one with the crispy wafer on top . yumm.
i'm still longing for the camera and get my mom's mind crazy with it, i'm superstressedout with the exams and the projects that i have to do over night, cause at the very last moment some teachers came up with another project we have to do until 21 may and we will also having oral exam, which is pretty bad for me, since i'm such a child and i have tons of emotions and i make myself redorangelbue everytime and i'm afraid i won't be able to learn all needed. sometimes i just feel like giving up on all, since in this country you're worth the same with or without 2 degrees. i'm spending the rest of the day(s) searching for a job online or on local newspapers, but it's in vain, watching twoandahalfmen to laugh a bit, playing games with mom and sleeping with bibi.
i was thinking many times that i would love to do a research on how do people nowadays spend their days and nights and take interviews and photos and write down my thoughts and turn it into a book. i would really love to be able to do it.

Monday, May 9, 2011

the light of morning decomposes everything

you enter to look for a photo that could represent how you feel. keyword search: pain. 183 pages of pain. your left leg still hurts. your left arm still hurts. your left road till your heart still hurts from time to time. your fear of dying this night alone in those white sheets still hurts. probably all the inside still hurts.
you just can't move on, help yourself and be better, be prettier.
you feel tired. yet you're still afraid to fall asleep and not wake up in the morning.
i promise i'll try.


Thursday, May 5, 2011


can't say good morning.

today's definitely a bad day for science. i have such a wierd life, i tell you! when i'm not sleeping in the nights and meowing (i invented this word right now, don't judge) in the daylight i rarely have pains. now when i'm in a sort of rehab and i'm doing my best to try to sleep during the nights i wake up with a headache like i've been drinking since Middleton's wedding. perfect!
i have so so many ideas in my head, so many things to write down, so many places and faces i would want to capture, but i can't seem to convince my mom to help me with the money for a dslr :( and with the writing, well, i was thinking for such a long long time on writing almost each day, maybe many times a day, depending on what happens, what feelings come between, i think it could be something positive for the heart, yet, i would also like to start talking to... anyone who happens to get lost in my tiny home, here, like i call it. i never dared to write/talk like i was talking to "you", cause i feel/felt "guilty" in some way and i always said to me that i just hope that between what i show through pictures and a few words there would be somebody out there who will feel the same or find itself in what i feel/show and share with me its feelings.
but that's just one thought in my head.

i'm off to the shower now, today's the last but one course at the mfcts masters this year and yesterday i had to deliver two twisted projects and we'll see how it turned out. hope it will be ok, the same as i wish for those who will "jetland" here. feel free to share how was your morning and the rest of the day here. i would be delighted

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

life's like an hourglass glued to the table

we, plane, sweets and the rest of the world.

ps: the plane, the rose on my hair and the mini Eiffel Tower are all made by my dear miss B.